I strongly believe that understanding is more important than love, especially when it comes to parenting and intimate relationships. As a psychologist for more than twenty years I can tell you that I have never had an adult looking back at her childhood and complaining that her parents were too understanding. And similarly, I have met many divorced people who still love each other but yet they never really understood each other. The painful reality is that love is just not enough. I"ll admit that there are people who I love and who I still need to better understand. I hope I"ll continue my work to understand them. The willingness to understand is very important. It is not always easy, but healthy love is strengthened by the willingness to understand. Love without understanding will wilt like flowers without water. Our egos are what seem to get in the way of understanding those who we love and care about. Often it is our need to be right that makes what others think and feel so wrong for us. I have certainly been quite guilty of this in some of my relationships. As I have written repeatedly in my books, empathy, is truly the emotional glue that holds all close relationships together. Empathy allows us to slow down and try to walk in the shoes of those we love. The deeper our empathy, the deeper—and healthier—our love. Not all relationships are meant to be. Yet all relationships that are meant to flourish in a healthy way, must stress understanding just as much, if not more, than love.If we are to understand our partners, we should firstly （）.